Blog: I Want to Have Sex With a Robot
I don’t care about the research or ramifications, just sign me up
From the way people are talking online, I imagine I won’t be able to go outside for much longer without virtually tripping over sex robots.
What are sex robots? I have no idea, but I’m assuming that I get to have sex with them — perhaps for a fee — and they won’t leave their socks on the bathroom floor, toothpaste in the sink, or empty milk cartons in the fridge.
I have a spotty relationship with men, and by “spotty,” I mean I do not know how to pick them, and by “I do not know how to pick them,” I mean each and every one of my former lovers has been a total jerk.
As my mother always tells me, “You pick, and you pick, and you pick, and then you always pick the wrong one.” Thanks, Mom.
That’s not going to happen with my sex robot. My sex robot will be a perfect gentleman who puts my needs first. Courtesy comes standard. He won’t complain when he has to eat dinner with my parents. He won’t mind spending time with my friends. He won’t even expect me to do his laundry — not even if I’m already tossing a load into the washing machine.
Although I haven’t actually researched these sex robots, I imagine there will be a wide variety of sizes, shapes, and features. Sex is not a one-size-fits-all situation. A woman needs options.
One option I’d like to see is a sex robot that doesn’t talk. I don’t need verbal cues or feedback from my sex robot.
Just give me a strong and silent type. If I wanted small talk, I’d call a sex hotline. If I wanted to be nagged, I’d go back to my ex-boyfriend.
No, I’ll take my robot as quiet as a church mouse, if I have a choice. At the very least, there’s going to have to be a mute button if I’m going to lay my money down for one of these AI sex companions. My last relationship lasted for seven years. I. Am. All. Talked. Out. If my ex had come equipped with a mute button, we probably would have made it another six months, at least.
I’m not too worried about moral ramifications. As far as I’ve heard, they still haven’t been able to create sex robots that are sentient. They won’t feel used if all I want from them is sex. It’s a given. The word sex is even in the name: “sex” robots.
Speaking of options, as long as they’re offering. I imagine a woman will be able to custom order a sex robot that measures up to her fantasies. Some women I’ve known like a longer, thinner phallus.
Others prefer something a bit shorter and a lot thicker. Heck, some women like variety. Why not make it detachable and include phalluses by the dozen?
It’s 2019. The sky is the limit. Just give me something warm to hold onto, multiple orgasms guaranteed, and no talking. A rechargeable lithium-ion battery might be nice. I’d rather plug it in when I’m done than fuss about with constantly buying new batteries, and don’t even get me started on extension cords.
Free two-day shipping would be a plus. I’m already a member of Amazon Prime. So I assume that won’t be a problem. They haven’t commenced delivering packages via drone in my area just yet, but that’s something they can work on once they get this sex robot thing settled.